"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts..."

The late, great Don Meredith (if you don't know who he is, then you need to check out the Wikipedia page - when I was growing up, he was one of those quintessential men) is attributed to the following saying ...

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas"

My has said that since I was a kid (several lifetimes ago) and I always laughed at it.  It's a silly saying, one that rolls off the tongue easily and is very whimsical ... but if you really look at what it says, he's talking about making excuses.  You know, those "reasons" we come up with for not getting something done or not want to do something - yea, those excuses - we live our lives by them.  Oh, they sound reasonable, they sound logical, but in reality, they are just excuses to not do something.

Now, I'm big on managing your time effectively.  Which really comes down to allocating time to the big thing "What I Want" -- but the key is, you have to know what you want, before you can spend time doing it.

Hey, I've got no problem with someone wanting to be one the best video gamer in the world - but if you are playing video games, and that's not the reason, yet you spend the majority of your time doing it - then how is it supporting "what you want"?  Or how about TV watching?  What's the benefit to it?  Is it making you a better person, a better Man, a better friend, a better person?  I can't answer that question for you, only you can.

My question to you (and to me) is Why Not?  One of the most interesting movies about taking a "no excuses" attitude to the extreme is "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey.  He is forced into (through a series of events) to say YES to any request, instead of his normal response of NO.  What happens is that all of a sudden, he starts to really experience his life, he gets to meet people he would never meet, and finds out about himself in ways he never expected.  I'm not advocating going to the extreme - but I am saying that if our first answer is always NO, we may be missing out on some significant events in life.  NO is usually triggered by some internal defense mechanism - we learned to say NO very early in life (usually our first word spoken) - and helped to keep us from getting hurt (or in the cirlces of Men - Butt Hurt).  But saying NO automatically is just an excuse - and if we say it often enough, people quit asking - and at that point, we don't have to say NO anymore, and it becomes so much easier to play video games and watch TV.

Excuses are personal justifications to do nothing.  To not progress, to not move forward, to not challenge ourselves.  If you do that - use excuses, blame other people, say NO to everything - then you are denying your essential core - your Man-ness.  We are here to struggle, to do the hard stuff, to be the rock, to provide guidance and assistance.  We are here to achieve - no to sit and wait and dream.

In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy ... "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am."  We are all that Man - you just have to figure out what you want, then start going for it.  Not easy, but much more fulfilling that video games and TV.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Manvice - Keep your word, honor your obligations

There is a saying "Your word is your bond" ... I believe to be a true Man, that has to be held to it's highest meaning - that if you say you are going to do something, you do it.  If you don't want to do something, be Man enough to say it.  There are no rules about what you do, only that if you say you'll do it - you do it - you finish the task at hand.

That being said, if you say you'll do it, and later find out it's more than you are capable of, or it's way too much of a pain in the ass than you thought it would be - and you really don't want to continue.  Well, do it if at all possible - at least to some sort of conclusion or logical stopping point - and then tell the person(s) that you made a mistake.  That you agreed to something you were either ill prepared to do, or that you no longer have the desire to continue.  Mistakes happen.  Don't make two mistakes and just walk away.

So, with that in mind, I'm letting you know (if you've read this far) that from now until about mid-June, I'm going to swamped with work, personal and family stuff.  And I have made hard commitments to all three that I will fulfill.  That leaves very little downtime - which means something has to give - and that includes this blog and some of my other Manosphere social activities.  I'm not completely going away, just need to make sure this blog (and MS stuff) don't get in the way of me meeting my other obligations.

So, I will sporadically post here and Twitter, read other blogs and comment from time to time - but it is all when everything else is complete or in phases of "wait".  Drop me an email or comment and I'll see them - and respond accordingly.

Until next time my friends ...  Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Another perspective ...

Got some clicks from Trouble Maker's blog because of his story called Bitter Old Men - which is bit of a tirade concerning a older gent commenting about Trouble's age (yep, he's young at 22 - but hey I was 22 a few decades back also) ... and it's his reaction.  Then he decided to post a link to this blog, along with The Private Man's blog and Von Munchhausen's blog.  

OK - first of all - thanks for the link.  I read his blog, have commented on it and really believe he has a good voice - for Men of all ages.  Second, both PM's and Von's blogs are worth the time - both Men know what they're talking about ... and third ... read mine at your own risk.  I'm a bumbling fool and have made a ton of mistakes in my life, and continue to make mistakes - so read and learn - that's all I have to say.

Now, back to TM's post ... the comments are golden, because if nothing else, this little corner of the interwebs is great, because all of these Men carry with them a 2x4 and are willing to swing it.  I personally like that about us - either as a blog writer or a reader - we need to be ready, willing and able to voice our opinion.  If a blog writer (or any other Man) goes off the rails, or does something out of character, it is our responsibility to call him out.  It doesn't have to be a gentle, politically correct action - because really, we have become too soft in most of our lives - and the Manosphere needs to be a place were we do it up front and blunt.  No sugar coating required.  

So to TM, all I want to say is this ... Keep up the good work.  Keep striving for your place in the world.  Let other Men call you out - hell, if you didn't have a voice, then it wouldn't happen.  If you go a bit off the rails, no need to get defensive about it, take it as feedback - put it into the soup of who you are and let it work for you.  All comments are good feedback - even the negative feedback - it helps keep us on track and on mission.  Oh, and one other thing -- I'm not AARP age yet -- I the ladies to refer to me as The Silver Fox -- just sayin'.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Forrest and trees ...

One of the hardest aspects of life is recognizing when you are fucking up.  I don't believe any of us really get out of the attitude of "ME" fully in our lives - therefore, it's difficult to have a real handle on how well you are doing at any particular time in your life.  The old saying "You can't see the forrest for the trees" comes to mind.

But what does that really mean to those of us that have entered into this world of Red Pill?  Should we be better or worse at this recognition?  Does it even matter?

Personally, I believe it does matter and we should be better.  We have taken the time to become aware of something that is not even recognized by most people.  Most of us have studied and/or read about how the world really works - we may have gotten mad at it initially, but we also have embraced it as a truth.  And if taken to the next level - that of taking knowledge and applying to your our lives, then it is something more than just an academic exercise, it is real life as we know it.

So, take the time in your life to evaluate how you're doing, in whatever aspect you're working on - be it health, personal relationships, business, and oh yes, women.  Being willing to test new ideas or theories - never take someone's word about it working, test it for yourself and in your own life.  If you do that, then you will be able to take the good, and discard the bad - with the understanding that in some cases, you may want to come back and try that thing again.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

I got what I wanted ...

It has happened a few times over the past 18 months or so that I've been reading and following Manosphere blogs and forums - where a Man has done something and people get all butt-hurt about it.  I'm not defending anyone's actions - I don't personally know most of these Men, have never ever exchanged anything but a comment string with them.

BUT REALLY??

These Men start acting more like the women they like to "denounce" as emotional human beings and acting like children.  And their "shaming" techniques come out also - which is just plain fucking stupid.  We call women out for doing it, tell them how stupid it is to do and then we do it to other men.  Then, because "we have to tell other Men about what happened, because, well, they're fakers" we take it to a public forum - calling men out through social media, forums, comment strings - it is sad to watch and makes me wonder about the true strength of Red Pill wisdom and the Men behind the blogs putting the words out there.

So, here's my prescription ...
1. if you feel like you've been slighted in some way - first of all evaluate what it is, and why you feel that way.  Put logic back into the equation and take the emotions out.  Remember the credo "it''s not personal, it only business"
2. if you feel that you have to do something, do it behind closed doors (even if those are virtual closed doors) - never take it out to the public.  Be a LEADER not a whiner
3. Deal with it quickly and smoothly.  So you can get it off your plate and get on with more productive efforts in your life - whatever those are.

That's it - 3 Simple Steps.  Be a Man about it, deal with it head on, get to a quick resolution and quit being so fucking emotional.  Even if it's personal, you will act to your best benefit if you take the emotions out of it.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

EDIT /// ADDED 3-26-2014 /// EDIT

Based upon the comment from Wald, I decided to put a bit of an edit on the post.  He stated that I'm wrote about not becoming overly emotional (basically to keep your emotions in check) and that I through the use of a couple terms and capitalization, have emoted myself.  One of the "Do as I say, not as I do" type of things.

It was really my Dad side coming through.  I do that with my kids from time to time, and although I may have a good thought or suggestion, if it comes from a place that is inconsistent with who you are, then the person you talking to (even in a post) will not believe the words.  Neither of those situations are really good.

So, to those that read this post - my basic message is this ... most things are dealt with better one-on-one.  There is nothing wrong with being passionate, committed, and defending yourself - but, if you are overly emotional (especially as a Man) it opens the door to being dismissed as "angry, crazy or unreasonable" - and who needs that.  That was really the two points I was trying to make - but in my haste to make them - I too allowed my emotions to get the better of me.  I want to thank Wald for pointing that out.

I'm selfish ...

I admit it, I have become selfish.  Part of that is because of all the Red Pill shit.  Now that doesn't mean I've become narcissistic - I know the center of the universe is me - but I don't want to abuse that power.  Because once you really get that concept - you can use this new found power to manipulate people - to use them, abuse them, throw them away -- all without any real feelings at all.

I'm selfish on this blog.  I write for me - I hope what I'm struggling with resonates with you as you read these posts - but really, if no one read any of this crap - I would still write.  Because what I write is what I need to keep in mind, to focus on, to overcome.  My life is like a movie that goes from being completely in crystal clear focus (Super HD) to grey, foggy and only being able to make out shapes and movement.  I need this blog - for me.  So I write, ponder, throw these words out there because I need to hear them - to refocus.

To a large degree, I'm struggling with this whole selfish concept.  That I can want what I want, and there is nothing wrong with it.  That I can look to that list of "things" or the group of people -- picking and choosing only for me, with little regard of other people.   That's foreign to me - this whole concept.  Even in my single days (now single again after the divorce), I always had other people in mind when decisions where made.

Case in point (a little story) ...

When I was 22, I was a college graduate, had gotten my first job at what I thought was going to be my future career (working for an advertising agency as a junior account executive), single, with money in my pocket, not quite free yet (was living with my Dad) and I was miserable.  This is what I wanted, what I dreamed of coming out of college - and the sunny / pollyanna side of what I believed it was going to be like after college came crashing down on me.  I lived in a city I didn't want to live in; I was working within an industry and company that I become completely disillusioned with; and I thought was this it?

Fast forward a couple months.  My attitude sucked, so I lost that job (actually I quit); I moved in with my Mom in another city; I was unemployed, working part time and the only "jobs" being offered to me were selling insurance.  And once again, I wondered if this was it?  My Mom knew where I was, knew that I didn't want to leave her alone, knew that I was scared to move forward and gave me the biggest gift a parent can give their child - she told me to leave her house (not in a mean way) and to move to Colorado (I had friends there, and she knew I wanted to live there).  She told me that it was my life, only for me, to make decisions for me, not her or anyone else.  We talked for hours that night - and yes there were tears - because both of us knew our relationship had taken a leap forward, but also would never be the same.

Within 48 hours, I was packed and driving my car to Denver.  That kicked off my adult life, my career, who I am today.  But it started with being selfish (or what I thought of at the time as a selfish decision).

You are faced with these every day.  How are you handle them - it's completely up to you - other people may judge you for your decisions, other people may not like them, in fact, relationships may never be the same after those decisions.  But it is YOUR LIFE, only you can live it, no one else.  We all make mistakes, we all take missteps, we all fall down, we all fail - and in some cases they are epic fails.  But you know what, we also get things completely right, we stay on our own path, we brush ourselves off and get going again, we WIN.  Once again, it was you and no one else.  Never feel bad about celebrating your victories, never feel bad for making a decision based upon what you want - life is tough enough, don't add to your problems by taking on someone else's (life).

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Fuck me, no fuck you ...

Strange title, but fairly important subject ....

Have you ever felt like the world was against you?  I mean, at every turn, something goes wrong.  You wake up late, you're out of clean clothes, you walk outside and have a flat tire ... on the way to work, you hit every red light, people cut you off, the favorite parking spot is taken by that one person in the office that you just really don't like ... and so goes the day.  Ultimately you wonder what you might have done to piss off the Mistress Fate and how to you get your mojo back?

At times like these, it's easy to get down on yourself, sigh and say "Fuck Me" ... well, that is the exact time that if you want things to turn around, you need to say "No Fuck You" to the world.  Just grab your balls in one hand, the balls of the world in the other and just start moving forward.  I can't tell you what that first thing is, I just know that you have to move - go get some small task done.  Then do another - keep moving - keep doing.

I don't know why accomplishing small tasks will turn your day around, but it does.  It gives you the feeling of taking control - that you are able to overcome and not be a victim of your life and those around you.

You will have days like these.  In fact, you may have weeks of those days.  Just keep moving.  Keep focused on getting things done.  When you're in the car, turn up the music and sing with the songs.  Put a smile on your face, even if you don't want to smile.  Say HI to everyone you see, wave at people, flirt with all the women you see.  And keep moving forward.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Live.

What do you want?

Has anyone ever asked you this question and you stumble all over - either because you don't know, you're wondering why they're asking or the answer you give may not be the answer they want?  Or even better, do you ask yourself that question - and really delve into it?

I can honestly say (with exaggeration of course), I was asked that question about million times by my (x)wife.  During the last few years of our marriage, I heard at least one per day.  To this day, I don't know if she was asking if I wanted out of the marriage, or really wanted to know what I wanted.  My thought, is that early in our marriage - I knew exactly what I wanted ... I wanted to be married to her, I wanted kids and to be the best father I could be, and I wanted to own/maintain my own business.  I busted my ass to do all three of those things - and for the most part, keep all the balls perfectly juggled.

Well, you can only juggle for so long, and the balls fell to the floor.  And I never got back to the rhythm I previously had.  Then I got angry at everyone and everything in my life - because it was their fault it was so difficult to get it back.  That anger built into resentment - and well, as the story goes, bad things happened.

But the question is a valid one.  To be asked by someone close to you and that is intimately involved in your life - and to ask yourself.  Also, the answer should always be "there" for you.  No hesitation, no hiccup, no puzzled look on your face - making it a clear Question/Answer situation.  If you can't answer that simple question, then you don't know - you are unsure - or you are just floating in your life.

One of the keys to a Man being happy, is having a mission.  That means knowing yourself and what you want.  No on can answer that question for you.  And if you take a path that isn't yours, there will never be real happiness in your life - and as evidenced by millions of Men around the world, you will seek happiness in "all the wrong places".

Answering the question is not easy.  And I believe you have to answer it everyday - because you mission/goals/dreams will change and evolve over time.  Take time to figure it out.  Once you have the answer for TODAY, then figure out plans to make it happen.  Then get busy doing it.  In the immortal words of Andy Defraine "Get busy living, or get busy dying".

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Delayed Reaction...

Quick post/thought this morning.  I've been around in life for over 50 years.  I've spent time by living or traveling around the country.  I've seen some things, and witnessed some thing - as the saying goes, this is not my first rodeo.  All that being said ...

I think most of what I read out there on Mano blogs is truly heart felt - the problem may be the Man writing.  I know that I'm full of shit from time to time.  Most of what I've written has been from personal experience - and then put some commentary around what to do or not to do.  The other stuff, is personal observation and really the same thing I would tell my kids.

I write from a perspective if trying to help both myself and anyone that read this stuff.  But never, ever believe I am in any way not completely full of shit myself.  Oh, don't get me wrong, if you read my blog, and then talked to me, most of it would be in sync.  And I do try (like the Google motto ... do no harm) to help, if by nothing else, as an example of what not to do.

But here's the deal.  We have research, we have science, we have religion, we have philosophy ... but at the end of the day, it's up to you.  You, my Man, are the only one that gets to live your life.  And you are the only one that get to deal with the consequences.  To me, the biggest measure of a Man is not  how many women he has slept with, it's not how much money he has or the amount of toys - it's did he live his life.  I mean, really live it in the most honest way possible.  If you did, you are ahead of of most Men.

So, take everything you read or hear in this crazy Mano-world, use what makes sense right now, discard the rest.  And never quit learning.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

The first rejection...

There are moments that define our lives, and I believe one of those within a Man's life is the first time he gets rejected by a girl/woman.  The following is recount of my first major rejection at the tinder age of 13.  It shaped how I would approach women for decades, and in many ways, shapes how I interact with those I'm attracted to today.

It was the summer of 1975, my Dad sold telecommunications equipment to telephone companies and in the summer, there was a convention held at a resort - and many of the Men that attended brought their families with them.  We had been going for several years, so it turned out to be one of those things growing up, where you met kids and have a "group" you hung out with during the 4 days.  It was a lot like summer camp for us, swimming, horseback riding, hiking, and just hanging out.

That summer it was somewhat different, because I started noticing girls, and was the typical 13 year old with a perpetual hard-on.  That was the summer I really noticed Amy Barnes - I remember her name even now.  She was one of those "mature" girls for her age and I though she we was completely gorgeous.  Now I had known Amy for a couple years, but never really noticed her before, and she never hung out with us previously.  But that summer, I wanted to hang out with her.

In typical 13 year old fashion, I was like a puppy dog following her around for the first day, then the second day, a couple older guys were hanging out with her, no biggie right, I knew here, they didn't.  Well, they were sitting in a group in these lounge chairs - I sat down close to them, but up against the wall.  She started in on me - about me being ugly, stupid, and why was I even there.  Confused, I just kinda laughed it off - then one of the guys started in on me - you know, starting the whole "get out of here you little son of a bitch" and "leave or we'll kick your ass" that type of thing.

In typical guy fashion (I was small for my age, but had been in enough school yard fights, that didn't scare me) I said some stuff back, and kept looking at Amy with these pleading eyes - they kind that say "why are you doing this" type of thing.  After about 5 or 10 minutes, and a few more get out of here statements, one of the boys gets up, walks over, and kicks me in the side.  It knocked the air out me and I couldn't react at all, except just roll over on the floor.  Typical to form, the three of them ran off laughing, saying how much of a little pussy I was.

I cried, more from the hurt and humiliation than from the pain of being kicked.  How could this girl, that I'd know for a couple years, one that I hung out the day before, all of sudden ALLOW something like that to happen?  It really was more devastating that I realized at the time - I just didn't understand any of it.

Lesson from that ... at any age, girls/women are always looking out for themselves and their own self interest.  Their emotions will always carry the day and you will be nothing more than an accessory in their lives.  Never live in fear of that fact, just understand it and make your choices accordingly.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

The trouble with being married ...

This is not a post about NOT getting married.  What I want to convey is the idea that being married will not solve your problems, will not make you a Man - it will be one of the greatest challenges in your life, you will feel burdened at times by the weight of being a Husband and Father, your wife will never quit testing and pushing you and you're going to have days where you wonder why you got married in the first place.  Get over it - because you chose it, now live it to the best of your ability.

Personally, my family (and I consider my exwife to be part of my family) is very important to me.  I wouldn't go back and change a thing.  It provided me with some of the most rewarding moments I've had in life, along with some of the most challenging.  It is a roller coaster ride of epic proportions.

BUT...

I didn't really know what marriage was all about.  I got married in 1995, the woman I was seeing got pregnant, I was in my early 30's and did the "let's get married" thing without too much thought as to what being a Husband and Father was really all about.  Well, I'm here to tell you, it's not puppies and rainbows.  All of a sudden, you have other people that you need to take care of, protect, provide for and love.  You will give more of yourself to this single relationship (talking family here) than you will to anything else in your life - and it can suck the life right out of you if you're not staying on top of things 24x7.

In the MS, there is lots of talk about Frame or Controlling the Frame -- guess what, that doesn't go away when you get married, in fact, the energy you will use to keep your Frame will actually go up.  Athol Kay writes about it, Rollo writes about, others write about it - if you are looking to be married, or are married - you need to read and re-read everything you can about being the Man within your marriage, how to keep your wife happy, how to control your kids, how to balance your life with work, friends and family.

I got tired in my marriage.  I wanted my (x)wife to step up and help.  I wanted things to be easier.  And eventually, the marriage ended - but the family remains.  I have spent the last 3 years exploring what it's like to be a single Dad and an exhusband.  I have re-examined my priorities about what it's like to be a Man in the world today.  I have re-focused myself on being at the center of my life - while remaining vigilant and aware of the people that are orbiting me.

All that said, here's a three point list to keep your mind - simple and to the point ...

1. Never loose sight of who you are at the core.  If married and with kids, you have taken on two new roles - that of Husband and Father.  BUT NEVER lose that thing inside you that makes you YOU.  If you do, it's a quick path to loosing the rest of your life.
2. Lead your family.  You will never be happy in your marriage, if you are not the leader of your family.  Almost all Men will go through this, those little side steps and inconsequential decisions where we give a bit of the leadership away.  It is a very, very heavy load you are taking on, but never believe that your wife is better at leading and making decisions than you are.  You are CEO, the Captain, the General, the ultimate decision maker.  The buck stops with you - take that responsibility seriously.
3. Take care of yourself - mind, body and spirit.  Once again, this can be tough.  Things get in the way - but if you are not taking care of yourself, you will never be the BEST Man, Husband, Father you could be.  Work out, have male friends, have your own activities, read, learn, meditate, think.  Continue to exercise your whole being.  No wife, son or daughter wants or desires a fat, dumb and lazy husband or father.

OK - done for now.  There's more, and I'll probably put more up at a future time.

Eyes front Gentlemen.   Live, Learn, Lead.

Manvice: never loose the swagger...

The other night, I was paid the best compliment I think I've ever gotten from a woman ... she was talking about her two sons-in-law, and how they just seem to cater to her daughters, then she said "not like you, you walk like a Man, talk like a man - and it completely turns me on".

Now, I have to admit - my (x)wife would probably say tell you I'm a pussy, that I don't have a backbone, that I wasn't much of Man.  And she would have been correct.  For the last few years of our marriage, I was the typical Great American Beta Husband - my wife ran the show, I pulled the plow.  I was a hell of a plow mule - and everytime she cracked the whip, I just picked up the pace a bit more.  The greatest gift she ever gave me (and she doesn't know this) was leaving me - because then it was up to me to make the change.

Now, I will admit, I'm still a huge pussy when it comes to my (x)wife - she still had my number.  I still cater to the majority of her whims.  She gets a huge pass on the crap she does because she is the mother of my children.  She is just as spoiled as I've probably made my kids - it has always been a goal for me personally, to provide the best life possible to my kids - even if their mother and I are no longer together - it just means I pay for the upkeep and maintenance of two homes.

But, I have compartmentalized how that relationship works - and it does not bleed into the life I am now creating for myself.  I took my balls out of my pocket a little over a year ago - and I've been letting them grow back - trying to exercise my right to be a Man.

And it's amazing how once you start down that path, you start getting feedback - other Men give you more respect, women notice you.  There are smiles and nods from strangers.  And if you're lucky, you meet a few woman that are so amazing - mostly in that they are attracted to your swagger, your attitude, your essence - and in most cases, these women are more feminine - because that's what you will attract.

The woman I mentioned also told me that I have a magnetism, that she can't help but be drawn to me - to want to know me, to be close.  I remember having that affect (on a limited basis) back in the days before I married - but I didn't understand how to channel it.  How to focus it.  How to make it work for me.  How to have a "I don't give a fuck" attitude without it being a negative thing.

Being a Man is privilege, not to be taken lightly.  It can also be done wrong in so many ways.  So, my advice is to keep your balls, lead from the front, be the rock (and the anchor), know your mission, get excited about it -- and get the fuck to the gym, lift heavy weights, full body (and don't forget your legs), eat right, sleep.  Never be afraid to love.  Never be afraid to leave.  Never be afraid to be left.  And always keep your swagger.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

What's in a name...

I'm going to tell you why I came up with the name for this blog and the "handle" I use.  It's not really complicated, but it is important.

I've had a blog since about 2006 or 2005 in some shape or form - so blogging isn't new to me, just the current subject matter.  If you've decided to read through the posts here, you know that (a) I'm divorced (b) I'm a father of 3 kids (c) I've been reading manosphere type material for about 18 months and (d) I'm really just trying to figure out what the next phase of my life will be.

With that said, when I was thinking about what to name this blog - I thought of how in reality, my life is just being recycled - Single, Married, Divorced, Single - and how the choices I've made in my life has brought me to this specific place today.  I also thought about how there are lots of Men my age (some younger, some older) had been recycled also - not just in their personal lives, but also in their professional lives.  And how if you are not active in re-creating yourself - you'll end up in your own junk yard - discarded and rusting away.

All Men need to actively recycle themselves.  If you find yourself in a situation where you feel useless, it's time; if someone "doesn't need you anymore", it's time; if the world passes you by, it's time.  Recycling can take a hundred different paths - new knowledge, new skills, new people, working out, new experiences - but in my mind, it's not about wrapping yourself with new "things" on the outside, it's about upgrading what's inside.

So, basically, I'm one of millions, a recycled male - and I'm working through all the things that are required for me to become the best Man I can be right now.  It's a constant journey, a constant evolution of recycling yourself.  Start early, and upgrade often.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Thanks to Lucky Lothario for finding this graphic - I don't know where it came from, so if it's yours, or you know the location/artist - I will give full attribution.

More about "But I like her..."

OK, I was told that the post was a bit vague and obscure - well it that way for a reason.  (1) most of the crap that you read is directly from personal experience - so real people are involved (including me) so, caution is always the watch word (2) it's not necessarily as important about "who" is involved, as it is the concept (3) it really messed me up.

So, you combine those three together and you get a post that meanders around subjects and never really hits on it directly.

BUT ... I was lucky to get some sage advice last night - not specific to the current situation, but just in general.  And it boiled down to the three points ...

1. Knowing what you now - about how the world really works - is not all puppies and butterflies.  With this knowledge comes a realization that, yes, all women are going to act in a certain way.  Even the one you see as special - she is no different.  Once you know that, it's tough. Because you don't mind that the world works this way, you just want HER to be different.  And you know she's not.
2. All this Red Pill stuff can give you a headache and sometimes you want to give yourself a break.  There is nothing wrong with needing to regroup, to get your head around something.  It won't change the truth, but we all need downtime to process - take it, it's important.
3. We can still be happy, mostly because happiness is a personal choice.  It will never start from outside of you, so looking for any happiness through other people (especially women) will never bring you real happiness.  Oh, you'll get momentary happiness, and those times are wonderful - but true happiness is within you - find it through your mission, not through other people.

That being said, about all you can do is remain aware of what's going on with you.  Keep yourself in check, and don't slip back into those terrible Nice Guy Ways.  Stay vigilant towards how you interact with that special woman, and how she is interacting with you.  Demand excellence - be the master of reward and punishment - command respect through both your actions and words.  Basically, remain true to your own nature as Man and don't put your balls in your pocket because of her.  Believe in yourself enough to understand that ALL woman want a strong, driven Man - so stay in the mode.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

ps...and always remember, there are not Unicorns.  Only horses with horns.

Mumblings ... when men talk

...THE WORLD WILL CHANGE

I'm going to give you guys a huge heads up on feeling better about being a "guy" in today's world.  You have to talk to other Men.  You have to have those conversations that matter.  You have to discuss topics that range from your world view, to business, to your victories, to your defeats, to obviously woman.

I have been lucky enough to be included in some interesting conversations.  Now they are happening over the "phone" (which isn't exactly accurate, because it's via the computer, but it is voice) and we get the chance to really discuss topics, ask questions, explain our positions and points, debate, tell our stories - it's like sitting at the virtual bar and hanging with some interesting people that are quickly becoming friends.

What I want to emphasize ... this is important.  Men need to gather.  Men need to talk.  Men need to have discussions on manly topics.  I have no idea if there is a primal thing going on or not, but I feel so much more "manly" after these discussions.  Topic doesn't matter - it's the fact that it is just men, only men - and we don't have to make excuses for being men.  Now, this particular group are Men that have taken the Red Pill, so there is no need to go through the basics.  We can talk about "higher" level issues, because we have an understanding of the underlying principles.

I have asked questions.  I have given advice.  We have explored business ideas, technology, women, dating, motorcycles, being younger (representatives from 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's) and being older.  We have discussed divorce, we have discussed marriage - there isn't a subject that is going to be off limits.  And because we are Men, there is a healthy amount of joking among the group also.

So, find yourself a group of men.  Online or real world.  It is as important to your life, your development and your health as working out, having a mission, confidence, etc.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

I really like this one...

For whatever reason, everyone - from the best to the worst within the world of GAME will come across at least one Unicorn (or atleast believe they are a unicorn).  It is such a strong pull to want to connect with a woman - the more you play, the more you want "not to play" the game.  The more you see the world for what it is, the more you want to "not see" it.  We all live in a world that wants balance - if things are not in balance, if "fells" like it's going going to spin out of control - and totally come apart.

Look, all someone has to do is spend about 5 minutes on the blog, to come to the conclusion that I am about 5 feet from the edge at any single minute in my life.  I am really enjoying my life, and I am leaps and bounds beyond the life I was living a few years ago.  I didn't choose to be divorced (at least not by overt choice), I didn't kick my wife out of the house, I didn't want our marriage to end.  But it did - it took me a couple years to get my mind wrapped around that - being divorced and a part-time Dad - but I have.

And just when you think you're about to enter a new and interesting phase of your life, armed with new found knowledge, and the willingness to hone this new skill - out of the blue, a fucking Unicorn show ups.  Now, you've read all about how there are not Unicorns, never were, never will be.  You fight the urge to believe your eyes - it can't be, this is a mythical creature - they do not exist.

But with all things, we are intrigued by mysteries - at our core we are explorers, adventurers, always willing take on a challenge.  And what if there really is one Unicorn left - you think it could be possible - we keep telling ourselves that "nothing is impossible".  So, we cautiously advance, getting closer, examining this beautiful, mythical creature - we are hypnotized by the mere site of them.  Oh, but that's the Unicorn's real power - it is their smell, their grace, their touch, their light air of independence mixed with total surrender.

As we fall under the spell of the Unicorn, our logical brains keep telling us - there are no Unicorns, there are only very pretty horses with fake horns.  It nags at you.  You are smarter than all this. You know the real truth.  But it is so difficult not to be sucked in.

OK, I admit it - I'm in the middle of one of these struggles of real vs mythical right now.  I know, in my heart of hearts, there are no Unicorns.  I have too much evidence in my own life, that they do not exist.  Too many times, I have seen or talked to Men that believed they had found one, only to realize it was a fake, a charade, a trick of the mind.  And the problem of believing in Unicorns is that you don't deal with reality.  This thing in front of you might be a great horse, might be the world's best horse, might be a horse you want to keep around for a very long time.  But if you treat it like a Unicorn, it run away, because horses don't like to be treated like Unicorns - and they don't really like the way people act around Unicorns.

So damn.  I have to get my mind wrapped around the fact that I'm dealing with a pretty special horse with a fake horn.  Kinda sad, I was really hoping she was a Unicorn.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead

Adventures in Singlehood ... about last night

This is more than just last night, but I'll get to that in a second.  Last night was interesting.  It was an exercise in multi-tasking - texting two women, dancing/talking to another, and trying to keep all the conversations straight in my head.

Now, I have to roll by myself most of the time.  I have friends, but most are married - and I usually don't make "plans", more of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.  And my favorite haunt shut down a few months ago, and this is a fairly new place.  I've met the bartenders, the owner of the place, and they know me by name (always important) and they know what I drink.  Working on the lock down.

In fact, that's how I met the little sweety from last night.  The place was packed, and she came up to the bar to get a drink (or several for her and her friends).  She was having trouble getting attention, so I leaned over and said "His name if Mike" and she looked at me and "who?" -- me "the bartender, his name is Mike" and I caught his eye and did that upward head nod thing - he took a couple steps, I pointed my head at her and he asked her what she wanted.

Then she leaned over and asked if I was regular - and in my new found snarky style (which I'm trying to perfect) I said "Nope, first night" -- and she looked at me with a mixed look of confusion and intrigue.  Then she started telling me about just coming back from LA, where you don't get to know anyone - and I told her, that you should always know the name of the bartender - even in LA.

Now, all this time, there are texts flying back and forth between two woman - neither local - one is very sexual, one is milder with undertones.  I had to keep those two straight - because one of them, is new, one of them has been around for a while - so subtle for one, overt for the other.  And of course, my new friend - Jessica - was taking a bit of my attention also (but only a bit).  She talked about dancing, and then her friend was dancing / swaying to the music - so I asked her to dance (notice I had not even introduced myself to the friend, Jessica was telling me she wanted to dance, and I asked her friend to dance - I'm starting to see how this stuff works).  So we go dance, and about half way through the song, Jessica comes out to the dance floor and starts dancing in front of me (basically blocking her friend out) - her friend leaves.

Now, I would like to tell you that I locked her down, spent the night escalating, and then took her home and ravaged her body - I didn't.  Remember I was multi-tasking.  So lesson learned - focus is required, because awareness is key, and you can only be aware if you are focused on one thing.  Also, I believe I read somewhere where two friends is workable, more than two is not -- well there were four of them.  Probably not the most workable situation.  Needless to say, I lost focus, she wondered off.  I caught up with her later, but she and her friends were leaving - and I had not quite gotten to that place of building enough comfort for her to either stay with me or leave with me.  Oh well, I had fun anyway (which is the point to most of this anyway),

Now the two I'm texting with - one is woman I've had in and out of my life for the last two years (but not in a sexual way) and the other is someone I met this week while traveling for business.  I'll tell more of that story in another post.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

Shameless Plug v1.0 ...

This post has nothing to do with providing any advice - other than I believe there are some Men out there that have some very good things to say.  They are important to me and my development, but you may or may not be familiar with them and their blogs.  So, in an effort to get the word out, here you go (and in particular order what so ever) ...

80-Proof Oinomancy
Twitter:  @whiskeyandashes
Written by Ace - this guy has seen it in his life.  He is about being honest in his writings.  His style is blend of poetic flow, allowing his words to almost wash over you, but at the same time, hitting you with some very poignant concepts.  Love his style.  He's a great guy.  Proof that Men can be put through the wringer by the world, go searching for the darkest parts of their souls, and find their way back to the light.  That means, he knows, he cares, he kicks ass, he struggles, he fights, which in my book means he is truly living.

The Lucky Lothario
Twitter:  @LuckyLothario
Written by Lucky - may be the smartest guy that writes one of these Mano-blogs ... no, I mean it, they guy is a genius in real life.  But beside that, he also may be the best traveled -- he could literally write a book about his recent travels in the US.  He's met many of the Mano-bloggers - spent time with them, watched them "work their magic" and experience their bullshit.  And since he's British (and good looking based upon self description), he had not problem with the woman-folk in the US.

Good Looking Loser
Twitter:  @GoodLookingLosr
Written by Chris and Crew - OK, if you want your hand held and your hair brushed back as you wake up to the realities of the world - then please go someplace else.  These guys only know one way - that is to kick ass and take names.  They are Men of the first order - and they don' tolerate anything less the best from those that come to their site and forum.  These guys talk about everything, and it is not for anyone easily offended - which, if you're reading this, I hope you already know that.  Straight talk from Men that have walked the walk.  No pussies allowed!!

Sploosh World
Twitter:  @JeremySploosh
Written by Jeremy:  What can I say about this "kid" - and yes, from my perspective, he's just a kid (but a great Man to know).  He has the attitude of the typical SoCal guy - which makes him laid back and very cool to hang out with - his blog spans lots of subjects as he navigates this weird world we live in.  I really enjoy his take, the variety of subjects, his excitement about his journey and his new found "powers" with women.  He's walking that fine line we all walk - how to be true to yourself while moving within a world that is sometimes hostile.

Some of those may be new to you, some you may already read on a regular basis.  There are a bunch more, but for now, that works - I'll do another post like this (see, I even named it v1.0).  Explore what these Men have to say.  Never immediately disregard - read, ponder, keep what makes sense to you right now, then disregard the rest.  Never carry too much on your journey, always travel light.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

What would happen if ...

I have to admit, I enjoy most of what I read out there on the "Mano" blogs.  It has provided me a completely different context to view the world - and one that I personally believe is closer to the truth than the context I had previously.

BUT with all that said, I've come to the conclusion that we focus way too much on things that are outside us - primarily women and sex.  There is a huge book of knowledge out there on the subject.  In fact, if the Manosphere were a library, we would have 1 million books, articles and magazines dedicated to women and sex, and about 1K dedicated to other aspects of "being a man".

Now, I get it.  And when I first found this little corner of the interwebs, I was searching for answers - why had my marriage failed (or more precisely, why did I fail my marriage)?  What happened, why did my wife fall out of love with me?  Why this and why that - but it all centered around someone else.  Those were my questions.  And I stumbled upon a whole book of knowledge that started to explain that - and I soaked it up like a sponge.  I thank every Man that has/had taken the time and effort to put it out there - it has been immensely valuable to me.

That was Phase 1 ... of the round of WHY questions.  Phase 2 were the HOW questions ... first centered around How do I get her back?  Then it went to How do I become more attractive?  Still focused on the outside of "Me".  And yes, there are some great resources to help with that also - and once again, I thank all the Men that put it out there.  

It's taken about 18 months, but I'm starting to enter Phase 3 -- which is bringing all that knowledge and codifying and internalizing it.  What I've come to realize is that it's not about "out there" (or at least not ALL about what's out there) - it's about Me.  I have to make it about me first, start from the center and move out.  Which means, if I want to "improve" myself in some way -- body, money, relationship, dating, sex, business, knowledge, goals, health -- for it to make a real impact and have staying power, it has to be about me.  Because if you make it about "them" - eventually, your motivation will start to wain, your will power will run low or you're just going to wonder what it's all about.  At that point, you're on the path to failure and loss.  Motivation has to be from a very deep place inside you, or you just won't do it.

And that is the Book of Knowledge that I feel is missing.  Oh, it's there, in bits and pieces, or buried within other pieces of knowledge.  In some cases, it's a sort of underlying "principle" -- but really, we can't be subtle about this point.  We have to be just as overt about it as we are about "how to fuck a woman" or "why women love the Alpha" or "Confidence is the key" - because the concept of it "being all about Me" is that important.  If you don't get this piece totally ingrained into "who you are, and what you do" there will always be an internal struggle about "is it all worth it?" - remember ... if you are truly doing it for YOU, there will always be a reason to do it.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

The Alpha dance...

I've thought about this one a for a while.  Because it's a bit off the wall - and as I've said, all this labeling stuff Alpha or Beta (or any letter from the Greek alphabet for that matter) doesn't do us any real justice.  Primarily because we are complex human beings - even the most simple among us.  But, with everything in life, there are established concepts or language which allow us to communicate and understand each other - with that in mind, this post is about being Alpha.

To really get what I mean, you'll need to view the video attached.  It's from the iconic 70's flick "Saturday Night Fever" where John Travolta is Tony Manero, a 20-something male living in Brooklyn.  He lives with his parents, works at a hardware store, has his "crew" and goes dancing most nights.  He is a "known" man in the disco, but not so much in the rest of his life.  The point I want to make is this, and it's from the video clip ...

Alpha's lead.  Tony goes out to the dance floor and basically takes it over.  Sure he can dance, but that's not the point - the point is, he leads -- making everyone else follow what He's doing, not the other way around.  I believe that's one of the primary differences between living your life, or just floating in your life.  Making the decision to lead - and no, this is not a MGTOW article - it's about having the confidence to make your own decisions, to take action on those decisions, and then allowing your life to unfold before you, which may mean, allowing other people to follow.

This concept reminds me of the movie Forrest Gump, when he starts running.  He crosses the US, from coast to coast several times, and has a group of people following him.  He didn't start running to lead anyone, in fact (in the same way that Tony didn't in the dance scene), it was just something he felt he needed to do - but somehow, other people started following, all for their own reasons.  Then one day, he decided to stop running and go home.  And I love the line from someone in the group following him when they said "what do we do now?" -- and there is not an answer for that person - because it was never about them to begin with - it was about the character Forrest Gump.  There also another wonderful scene, when Forrest is telling Jenny about what he saw when we was running - the lesson from that one, you never know what experiences you will have, once you just start moving.

When you decide to lead your own life, things happen.  Some of them very subtle, and can be missed by you if you're not aware of them.  One being that you will naturally attract people to you - they will want to know your secrete why you appear to be happy (or at least content) in your life.  Second, things will start to "pick up" for you - does that mean nothing will go wrong?  No.  What it means is that the things that "hurt" or "knocked you down" won't seem nearly as important, and once that happens, picking yourself up and getting going again is so much easier.  Within sports it's called being in the Zone - where nothing bad seems to happen - but I would say, the reason nothing bad seems to happen, is because you are no longer reacting to it - you are flowing with the world in it's natural state.  Once you get there, everything just falls into place.

So, let it be a lesson - if you have choice to lead, go ahead and do it - and now I'm going to tell you something, you always have the choice.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

as a complete side note .... I personally hate line dancing, it just shows that most people are not very original and it give the ladies (all of them) an excuse to get off their ass and dance.  And there is nothing sadder than watching a bunch of white people try to be cool and do the Electric Slide (it looks nothing like this video).